WARNING:MIGHT NOT BE PERFECT,BUT HONEST..WITH A FEW FLAWS of writing that is..hehe..just kidding..gesh..so touchy, I AM SURE AND MISTAKES,BUT EVEN A CUSS WORD(4give me Lord)..THAT, I DON'T LIKE TO USE, BUT SOMETIMES, LIFE SEEMS SO FRUSTRATING AND WE ALL...YES, WE ALL NEED UNDERSTANDING AND LOVE:))
FASCINATING READ..to me, that is:O)..U MIGHT EVEN LEARN a thing or two..YOU..YOURSELF, MIGHT NEED ONE DAY.. :P
I WOULD MUCH RATHER BE LIVING HERE AND ENJOYING THE SUNSHINE..AND THAT POOL.. I WOULD LOVE TO RUN AND LAUGH AGAIN WITHOUT WORRYING MY HEART IS GOING TO ACT UP, BEING OUT DOORS...OH...FISHING,I WOULD BE DOING THAT EVERYDAY,IF I COULD..BUT I AM NOT..AM I?I AM SERIOUS, THAT I CAN HARDLY LAUGH WITHOUT SOME REPERCUSION OF SOME KIND...THAT IS UTTERLY RIDICULAS...HOW, IS ANYONE GET HELP 4 WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ME? I NEED TO SEE A PATHOLOGIST, BUT CAN'T FIND ONE THAT IS UNDER 200MILES AWAY FROM HOME. I NEED TO SEE A GOOOOOD NEUROLOGIST..I AM SURE EVERYONE GOT THAT FGIST. I AM JUST TIRED OF IT ALL. LIFE, IS THIS BED AND MY OWN SON...sorry,MY OWN SON, TOLD ME THAT THIS IS MY LIFE..THAT IS SAD. I DON'T WANT HIM TO GROW UP WITH ME THIS WAY. I WANT HIM TO SEE THE FUN SIDE OF ME..THE ONE, THAT I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE..YEAH, I AM DEPRESSED, BUT NOT SUICIDAL..NEVER!!! GOD, I DON'T THINK HAS A CHANCE TO FORGIVE YOU FOR THAT...U GET MY DRIFT..NO, I AM A CHRISTIAN AND PROUD TO BE ONE. GOD...HE KNOWS ME. HE HEARS MY PRAYERS EVERYDAY AND ONE DAY..I WILL EITHER LIVE LIKE THIS FOREVER, GET BETTER OR DIE..BUT, I AM FINE..ONE WAY OR THE OTHER..I DO KNOW THAT. MY SINS HAVE BEEN COVERED AND WASHED AWAY..I AM NEW..MY SLATE IS CLEAN. IF, I WERE TO DIE, THAT WOULD HURT MY SONS,MY MOM/DAD AND I KNOW, BUT THAT WOULD BE UP TO THE LORD. I DO HAVE FRIENDS...(tears of love..all of u..who have stood by me during ALL of this ), BECAUSE WHILE I WAS TYPING THIS UP AND COUPLE OF YOU (Lee Ann Fryer,Niki Sherman Reynolds and Steve Ashbrook, all replied on fb..i heard the little sound of the entry and saw ur names as I typed) and I THANK YOU GUYS 4 BEING THERE..WHEN, SOMETIMES, I FEEL SO ALONE, BUT, APPARENTLY, I AM NOT:)))) <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
You know, I woud LOVE 2 be WELL..but that "AIN'T happening"..as they say..NOT RIGHT THIS MOMENT ANYWAY. I am sure that "Semmes and Murphey" have helped a lot of people, but they won't help me..well, ONE doctor won't(Dr.Fern..we'll call him) and I truly believe that there is a MISTAKE in there somewhere, just saying. REALLY believe IT could even be THE DEVELOPEMENTAL VENOUS ANOMALY that I have in the LEFT CEREBULLAR HEMISPHERE.
I have always been a worker, a doer MY WHOLE LIFE..NOT a taker..and that hasn't changed. I am shaky right now,due to my whole left side of my body being NUMB and I am SOO WEAK. IT is a scary feeling and I don't understand..just why, I am having ALL of the symptoms and IF I am taking up ur space..I am truly sorry,but this is like my friend..I am stuck in bed w/all of these symptoms..and IT'S HARD,so, I write my feelings down and IT helps me focus on my life, to document just what is going on and when I need it..IT is there.You know, it is bad enough to try and be a happy-go-lucky person that I USED TO BE..No more..can I EVEN LAUGH without my heart pumping hard and my BODY getting NUMB..imagine the OTHER things I CANNOT DO???...and when a person misjudges u, IT is really hard to be patient,humble and loving..BUT, I AM.. I feel JUDGED or PROFILED or something...SOMETIMES..DAMN..REALLY??..GET REAL..I have had enough to take when it comes to people and THEIR ATTITUDES and WISH THAT I COULD just get ON w/my Life,but UNFORTUNATELY..I HAVE TO TAKE THE MEDS prescribed and deal with IT AND THEIR UNRELENTING SIDE EFFECTS. I WISH THERE WERE ANOTHER WAY..I DON'T HAVE THAT OPTION RIGHT NOW!!!!! OHH, I JUST WISH PEOPLE WOULD and COULD BE MORE CONSIDERATE. What has happened to some people's hearts:((( I guess, The Lord will be back soon and their hearts are being hardened..Sad..SO SAD, THAT THEY HAVEN'T FOUND HIM YET!!. Sometimes, I feel so alone in my situation and It's then, when I understand, why people FIGHT SO HARD TO LIVE.
oooo.I Have been having an ALL day LONG EPISODE, in which scares me.Having pian in my left side of neck where I have a DVA...NOTHING TO MESS WITH..TRYING..It CAN take u away from here..IF ONLY THEY(SM), WOULD DO LIKE THEY SAID AND PUT ME IN TO SEE THIS DR.ADAM ARTHER..I WANT TO SEE SOMEONE THAT IS GOING TO FIGHT 4 ME and HELP ME..INSTEAD OF LETTING ME SIT IN THEIR LITTLE ROOM AND WAIT 3 HOURS IN A WHEELCHAIR...YEAH, U CAN DEFINITELY SAY I AM HIGHLY UPSET..SO MUCH 4 UNDERSTANDING..IT is ALMOST GONE..I reckon.I DO KNOW ONE IMPORTANT FACT..I AM NOT A HYPO and DON'T like being referred as one.. I am very sensitive @ that ..because I am SURE that I have dificulties and disablities and MOST people HERE or THERE just don't understand and I understand, for when, I do have a good day(1 out of 10..IF I am lucky)...BUT NOW that WEAKNESS has become as ISSUE..I AM MORE SURE of it. ..AND FEEL LIKE PEOPLE THINK I AM making it up to get ATTENTION..NOT I get plenty of attention to be begging 4 it. I hate 4 people to wait on me. It makes me feel so dependant..NEVER HAVE I EVER BEEN DEPENDANT..UNTIL NOW..
I GOT SOME MORE PICS TO SHARE WITH U:))) THE NEW..NEW ONES..THAT ARE RECENT,WHEN SHANE VISITED, I CAN'T LOAD BECAUSE I CAN'T GET UP AND LOOK 4 ME CORD THAT APPARENTLY HAS BEEN MISPLACED. ( It had to be when the storm hit and I had to get to mom/dads house because I live in a mobile home) I CAN'T FIND IT..I HAVE LOOKED, BUT JUST SOOO MUCH LOOKING THAT I CAN DO..HAVE TO STOP 4 MY HEART..<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3...YES, I AM SCARED, BUT PRAY THAT THE LORD WILL HELP ME GET MY LIFE BACK TO WHERE IT WAS SOON..HOPEFUL:))))
BRYAN..WOOOO. HE WOULD KILL ME(not literally), IF HE KNEW THAT I POSTED THIS, BUT IF I POSTED JUSTIN BEIBER BESIDE HIM..HE REALLY WOULD BE..STEAMING MAD..HEHEHE..SHOULD I???? HMMMM? I MIGHT GET AWAY WIITH IT..LOL:)))
HMM? WHAT DO U THINK?HEHEHE..I DID IT..OH, I AM GONNA BE IN SOME TROUBLE WHEN HE GETS HOME.:)))
No comments:
Post a Comment