LIFE...CAN BE SO HARD, AT TIMES. JUST LAYING HERE...YEAH, I AM BLESSED TO BE ABLE TO JUST LAY HERE AND OF COURSE, IT SEEMS LUXURIOUS, BUT IT COULDN'T BE FARTHER FROM IT. BEING STUCK ISN'T FUN, BUT IT IS FUNNY HOW SOME PEOPLE LOOK AT BEING DISABLED. THEY THINK IT IS SOMETHING WE SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF AND IT IS, BUT WE CAN'T CHANGE WHAT IS WRONG WITH US...NO, ONLY A DOCTOR CAN CHANGE UR OUTCOME IN THAT FIELD.
I DON'T WANT TO BE DISABLED. NO, I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ONE TO WORK AND ACTUALLY, I WAS THE ONE WHO LOOOOVED TO WORK. NOW, THAT I AM DISABLED AND AM STUCK TO WHERE I CAN'T DO A GOSH DARN THING...IT IS HARD, IT IS VERY HARD THAT IS...TO NOT TO BE ABLE TO JUST GET UP AND DO WHAT IT IS THAT I WANT. AND PAIN THAT GOES ALONG WITH IT, REALLY MAKES IT SO MUCH HARDER. I KNOW THAT IT IS HARD TO UNDERSTAND FOR SOME, BUT IF UR THERE...U CAN RELATE AND PUT URSELF RIGHT THERE WITH ME.:(
I LAY HERE AND SOMETIMES, I LOOK OUT MY WINDOW AND SEE THE BEAUTIFUL DAY I AM MISSING...AGAIN. ANOTHER DAY OF JUST LAYING HERE MISSING OUT ON THE THINGS THAT I COULD BE DOING. I COULD BE MAKING THIS PLACE LOOK LIKE A LITTLE DOLL HOUSE. INSTEAD, MY HUBBY CLEANS OUR HOUSE AND WORKS 12-14 HOURS A DAY 2. HE HAS WORKED LONGER THAN THAT SOME DAYS, BUT HE NEVER LETS US DO WITHOUT OR LIVE IN A MESS EITHER(THANK U GOD:)) I HAVE TO ADMIT AND GIVE CREDIT TO MY WONDERFUL HUBBY GARY. HE WAS RAISED RIGHT, BY A GOOD MOM AND I LOVE HER FOR HOW SHE TAUGHT HIM TO DO WHAT HE DOES. THANKS NANA 4 TELLING ME WHEN HE SAYS THAT HE WILL DO IT TOMORROW...SAY, "NO, U R GONNA DO IT TODAY"..BUT U KNOW, THERESA, I REALLY HAVEN'T HAD TO USE THAT.:)))
IT MIGHT GET OLD TO HAVE TO LAY HERE, BUT I AM BLESSED..I KNOW THAT. I COULD BE IN THIS SAME PAIN AND NOT HAVE SOME OF THE LUXERIES I HAVE. I AM TRULY THANKFUL FOR EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE..
ALL I WANT IS TO BE PAIN FREE, THEN I WOULD BE UP AND DOING THE THINGS I WANT. IT IS SO FRUSTRATING NOT BEING ABLE TO EVEN TYPE WELL FOR THE CRAMPS IN MY HANDS. MY FEET AND LEGS HURT CONSTANTLY TO WHERE I HAVE TO RUN THE ELECTRIC VIBRATOR IN MY BED. I AM SO BLESSED TO HAVE THAT. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT IT. MY LEGS CRAMP SO MUCH AND MY MUSCLES STAY SO TIGHT. IT FEELS LIKE THE PARTS OF ME THAT BEND ARE CONSTANTLY BEING HIT, SOMEWHAT LIKE HOW IT FEELS TO HAVE YOUR FUNNY BONE HIT OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I DESCRIBE IT LIKE THAT BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS HOW IT FEELS TO HAVE YOUR FUNNY BONE HIT. I MUST SAY THAT IT IS ONE OF THE MOST AGGRAVATING SYMPTOMS THAT I HAVE.
NOW, I HAVE SO MANY THAT IT WOULD BE UTTERLY IMPOSSIBLE TO LIST THEM ALL. I CAN EXPLAIN THEM AS I HAVE THEM, BECAUSE MY MEMORY IS SEEMING TO BE GIVING ME MORE PROBLEMS. MY BRAIN FEELS NUMB AND IT IS SORT OF LIKE I AM A ZOMBIE. I HATE IT. I MUST BE OF A RARE BREED, BUT I HONESTLY HATE IT. I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO THINK FOR THEMSELVES AND DO FOR THEMSELVES.
OHH, I AM EXPERIENCING A DEEP PAIN IN MY RIGHT SHOULD AND IT GOES ALL THE WAY UP MY NECK. I GUESS, I COULD SAY..RIGHT NOW, MY NEXT AGGRAVATING SYMPTOM WOULD BE THAT YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT IS COMING NEXT.
WHILE THE SHOULDER PAIN IS STILL LOCKING MY NECK AND CRAMPING. I AM HAVING PRESSING HEAD PAIN LIKE SOMEONE IS PUSHING MY HEAD DOWN. IT IS A HORRIBLE FEELING, WHEN IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE HAS THEIR THUMB AND IS PRESSING IT HARD INTO UR HEAD...YOWCH!..I HATE THAT.:(((( MY EARS ARE RINGING AND MY EYES ARE GETTING SOMEWHAT BLURRY. I WOULD SAY THAT I AM HAVING SOME SERIOUS SYMPTOMS...WOULDN'T YOU? THIS IS EVERY SINGLE DAY AND IT GETS OLD WHEN U DON'T KNOW WHAT IS COMING...BUT, I AM STILL IN THIS SAME BOAT. LAYING HERE AFTER 6 YRS OF MY LIFE HAS JUST FADED INTO THIS HOLE THAT I LIVE IN. WELL, THAT IS WHAT I CALL IT. IT IS A HOLE. TO ME, BECAUSE I HAVE PILLOWS THAT ARE ON EACH SIDE THAT I LEAN MY ARM ON.
MY HANDS ARE HAVING PINS/NEEDLES AND I NOTICED THAT I HAVE CLOSED ONE EYE TO SEE WHAT I AM TYPING. I AM NOT GOING TO LIE. I AM SCARED AND I AM PRAYING TO THE LORD THAT HE WILL HEAL ME SOON AND MAKE ME BETTER.
LIFE SEEMS DREARY AND IT IS OH SO WEIRY FOR ME, TO LAY HERE ALL THE TIME. I USED TO BE SO ACTIVE AND DID SO MANY THINGS. I SANG EVERYWHERE AND LOVED IT. I SANG FOR PAGAENTS, TALENT SHOWS AND JUDGED ALL SORTS OF ENTERTAINMENT. I LOVED BEING OUT AND SINGING. I FEEL THAT, THAT PART OF ME HAS BEEN LOST ,SOMEHOW. I DON'T KNOW THAT PART OF ME ANYMORE AND THAT IS HARD FOR ME TO FACE. I USED TO PLAY MY GUITAR (OVATION) AND SET ON THE BACK PORCH, BUT THAT IS A DREAM NOW, FOR MY HANDS TO WELL TO GET THIS OUT.
I AM GOING TO GO FOR NOW. I DON'T HAVE THE LUXURY OF JUST JUMPING UP AND DOING WHAT I WANT, ANYMORE. I HAVE TO LAY HERE AND LAY HERE. YES, IT DOES GET VERY OLD AND TO ME, THIS IS NOT LIVING, BUT I WILL FIGHT ANOTHER DAY...AND WHO KNOWS, MAYBE I WILL GET TO GET OUT OF THIS BED ONE DAY. "LORD WILLING" THAT IS.
KEEP ME IN UR PRAYERS PLEASE THAT I WILL GET WELL I DO WANT TO THANK EVERYONE WHO HAS PRAYED FOR ME.:)) I JUST WANT MY LIFE TO BE A BLESSING TO OTHERS...THAT IS :))) ALL I WANT..IS TO HELP OTHERS. SO MAYBE GOD WILL LET ME GET WELL AND LET MY LIGHT SHINE FOR HIM. GOD BLESS ALWAYS.;)))<3 Karen
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